Monday, September 24, 2012

The Truth About Toilet-Paper-Under People


Those People are Aliens. Obviously.

     I've read the evidence. Turns out that people who place new rolls of toilet paper on the holder with the paper rolling under, instead of over the roll toward the user, are in fact aliens.

     A case-control study published in the Journal of Toileting and Extraterrestrial Activity showed several alien-associated behaviors seen in the toilet-paper-under (TPU) population, as compared to the toilet-paper-over (TPO) population.

     TPUs are more likely to:
  • have an overt avoidance of placing new toilet rolls on the toilet paper holders (though this data is not very specific, as most children and spouses are guilty of the same behvior.)
  • leave the toilet roll with a single square of leftover tissue
  • consume random socks, hence causing the "lone sock in the laundry" phenomenon
  • be constipated for days-weeks at a time in an effort to avoid the toileting situation (induced by lone sock ingestion)
     In the study, one alien explained the reasoning behind the TPU activity.

     "On our planet, we defecate upside down. It's a sticky business. But from our perspective, we're placing the toilet paper over, and humans are screwing up the process constantly. It's incredibly annoying."

That is all.

Thank you to Anna Staniszewski for the FB post that inspired this report! 

AND CONGRATS TO KRISPY FOR WINNING AN ARC OF SANCTUM by SARAH FINE! 

57 comments:

Natalie Aguirre said...

So funny. You've got me wanting to go check how I last did mine. I never really think about it.

Shelly said...

I knew there had to be a logical explanation!

Scarlet Wilson said...

Just discovered I'm an alien, thanks Lydia!

B.E. Sanderson said...

Toilet paper under? :shudder: But...but...but... it touches the inside of the holder then and gets old TP residue on it. Inconceivable.

Sarah said...

"Defecate on our ceilings"?? Uggggh *glances warily at ceiling*

Laura Pauling said...

ha ha hilarious! :)

Miranda Hardy said...

That's great! So what are the people who don't pay attention to the direction of the toilet paper roll? I just throw the roll on, giving no preference. Lol

Yvonne Osborne said...

Everyone knows that in a well-run household the toilet paper is always placed correctly on the holder with the paper rolling from underneath for ease of drawing off the proper amount!:)

Louise Bates said...

I'm a TPU person myself; my husband is a TPO. I can't WAIT to tell him he married an alien! (Actually, he probably won't be surprised in the slightest.)

Karen Lange said...

So that explains it. I had wondered about that for a long time. Thanks so much for your detective work! :)

shelly said...

Did you know that aliens don't have belly buttons either? They are rather strange. This explains what my daughter really is then. Upside down toilet paper rolls. Replacement issues.

I need to check her belly then.

Hugs and chocolate,
Shelly

http://secondhandshoesnovel.blogspot.com/

Linda Gray said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Linda Gray said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Linda Gray said...

That explains A LOT!! Thx.

Kristen Wixted said...

Um...I had no idea.
I'm sure I don't live with any aliens. Absolutely positive.
*dashes off to check tp holders*

Lydia Kang said...

Ahh! There are aliens everywhere in the blogosphere!

Steve said...

Around here, we do well to even get the stuff on the roller. It generally sits placidly on the back of the toilet. What does that make me?

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Hilarious! If I put toilet paper on that way, it's just because I'm not paying attention. Afterward, I'm just too lazy to change it.

LTM said...

Fascinating! So much is explained.

But hmm... it sounds to me it might be a case of TPUs are from Mars; TPOs are from Venus, if you know what I'm sayin... LOL! :D <3

Barbara Watson said...

I'm totally an 'over' person, so this is hilarious!

Bossy Betty said...

Thank you for confirming what I have suspected for so long!

Munk said...

odd.

Bathwater said...

I too am one of those people who isn't sure whether or not he is an alien. I never really notice these things. I imagine if my arms were 3 inches too short of reaching the toilet paper it would be more of an issue. Do you have short arms?

David P. King said...

Oh no. The secret's out! :)

LD Masterson said...

But I just grab a roll and which ever way it's facing in my hand is how it goes on the rack. Is there a TPW (toilet-paper-whichever) group?

Connie Keller said...

I'm the only non-alien in my family!! Thank you for explaining it. I finally understand.

And the sock ingestion explanation too--two great mysteries solved in one day. Hurray!

Anne Gallagher said...

My mother actually changes my TPO to TPU when she comes to my house.

Clarissa Draper said...

Crap! (pun intended) I guess I am an alien sometimes...

Anna Staniszewski said...

Hahaha! So glad my earth-shattering TP discovery inspired this post. :-)

Old Kitty said...

I am now mega super duper paranoid! I ran to the loo to see how I put my toilet roll and lo!! There is a single square of loo roll left! Yikes!!

I need intervention and help asap!! Take care
x

mooderino said...

Your scientific analysis is beyond reproach.

mood
Moody Writing

Alicia C. said...

I never gave this any thought...until I went to culinary school and got trained in the finer arts of hospitality/hotel management. Though it could also be argued that all of the higher-ups in THIS field are a total lot of aliens as well. TPO is the "proper" way to go as people have an easier time finding the end in the dark whilst inebriated. Apparently. There have been studies.

Southpaw said...

Ah ha! I knew it.

Nancy Thompson said...

Funniest post of the day! And I hate when I go somewhere and the TP is on upside down. Argh!! The OCD in me forces me to fix it.

Liza said...

Who knew?

Meredith said...

Ha! Over all the way. :)

Jai Joshi said...

Since I've just spent the day cleaning all the bathrooms and replacing toilet paper on the holders, this post is coming at the perfect time for me. It all makes so much sense now.

Jai

Peggy Eddleman said...

Hahaha! You slay me, Lydia.

Krispy said...

It all suddenly makes sense!

And yay! I'm thrilled to get my hands on Sanctum! :D Thank you!

Bryan Russell said...

I have a system where every piece of toilet paper has to go through a figure eight.

Trisha said...

What about folks like me who do both depending on which way the roll comes out of the bag of rolls? :P

Carrie Butler said...

Hah! I needed this laugh today. :) Thanks, Lydia!

Roland D. Yeomans said...

Like Carrie, I needed the laughter today. Thanks.

Susan Fields said...

Too funny - I love the part about kids and spouses being guilty of the same behavior.

Rachna Chhabria said...

Lol...Lydia you are too funny. I needed the laughter today.

Kelly Polark said...

Ha ha!!!

I actually never even think about it when I put a new roll on. I'm sure I randomly put it on either way!

vbtremper said...

LOLOLOLOL! That is all.

-Vicki

Madeleine Sara said...

ROFL! This is hilarious! I know someone who does this and I always suspected they were an alien and this is proof!

Katy Anders said...

You know, here it is, election season, and I don't see ANY candidate addressing this issue.

What are we going to do about these dangerous aliens?

Ghenet Myrthil said...

Hilarious! I've never understood toilet-paper-under people and now I know why. :)

Vicki Rocho said...

Funny! I don't pay any attention to over-under, I just put the roll on....but maaaaaaybe that means I'm an alien and don't know it? hmmm.

lbdiamond said...

HA!!!

Then every environmental service worker at the hospital where I work who replenishes toilet paper is, in fact, an alien.

Samantha VĂ©rant said...

I'm laughing, too. And I'm trying to figure out what kind of roller I am. Our downstairs bathroom doesn't have a toilet holder!!! Just a basket!

Yolanda Renee said...

Oh dear, the secret is out. Massive exodus to come!

:) Funny stuff!

Maurice Mitchell said...

I'm not a TPU, but I've never understood the weirdos who do. Thanks for the explanation Lydia. LOL

Nancy Esmade said...

pretty cool toilet paper holder..we should make sure that our toilet should look good an well organize..i always ask some help to Sydney Bathroom supplies cause they provide everything specially when it comes to bathroom supplies..

toilet paper holders

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