Thursday, July 26, 2012

Mojo Barista



Ah, mojo. That fleeing bit of energy that propels words effortlessly onto the page.

I've discussed how to handle the absence of it.

I've also made a club so the mojo-less could commiserate.

We've also heard the less sympathetic, the ones who say, "Fer crying out loud, shut your whining and JUST WRITE."

So for those with crazy glue in their imaginariums, I offer a nice, tall, drink free of charge, from the Mojo Barista. Take your pick.

Caramelotta Tension, Tall, with Whip (and chains)
-for those scenes that fall flat because nothing bad is happening, and you're being too nice to your main character.

Fat-free, caffeine-free, gluten-free, soy-free, dairy-free cup of nothing
-for those that need to whittle down the adverbs, the modifiers, the useless sentences that repeat what you already wrote, like those useless sentences that repeat what you already wrote

Full-fat moccacchino with optional pound of melted chocolate
-for the "sexy-times" scene you're afraid to write
 
Hot tea with a twist of lemon, lime, orange, and a side of pretzels
-for those way too linear story lines

Burger n' shake blended 4000 calorie meal-in-a-cup
-for those that keep escaping the writing chair to get a bite to eat. Contains all the food groups writers need (calories, caffeine, chocolate, salt, and a shot of vodka).

Spoiler Jave-Frappe-Mega (extra shot of curdled milk)

-for the ending to your novel that you wish you knew, but can't think of yet. Spoileriffic!

Well, there you go. If you ever need some mojo, feel free to tweet me @lydiaykang and I'll send you a hot cuppa something that might make you vomit, but WILL make you write.

35 comments:

Shelley Munro said...

LOL I'm suffering badly from procrastination todayWhat mojo would you suggest for what ails me? Oh, I could probably do with something to keep me awake. Not that I'm needy or anything...

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Laughed out loud at the last one!
Got one to fatten up a story? After a little fat-free, mine will be in desperate need of substance.

mooderino said...

Ah, meal in a cup, I think that's lunch sorted for today.

cheers,
mood

Shelly said...

Now this is really good! Thoroughly enjoyed it~

Anne Gallagher said...

How about a fat free, soy free, guilt free, extra whip, extra caffeine for those of us who need to whittle things down, yet also, put something in its place.

Great idea. I wish it were a real place.

Louise Bates said...

Is there a recipe for the writer who can't get her brain from "create" to "edit" mode? 'Cause that's the one that I need!

ADAM ❤ ALEX mommy said...

Ah...4000calories is not what I need, but I'll drink it if I can get inspired to write. ;)

B.E. Sanderson said...

ROFL... great post. I love the -free everything, cup of nothing.

Roland D. Yeomans said...

Gave me a laugh this morning. For me, it is simply seat of my britches to the seat of my chair and read the last page of my WIP, then ask myself: "What is the most unexpected thing that could happen or be said next ... and try to make it work on the written page.

Great post as usual, Roland

Karen Lange said...

Love this! I think I'll go with the hot tea today. Pretzels too, please. Lately I've been using Pepperidge Farms Pretzel Fish as a side to my writing. :)

Old Kitty said...

Full fat mocha with extra extra chocolate and then some, please, thank you! take care
x

David P. King said...

That totally reminded me of Wall-E. "How about a burger and a shake ... in a cup!"

Ever tried hot cocoa where there's more mix than water? It's a trip. :)

Connie Keller said...

Why can't these be real?!

Loved the post. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face.

Barbara Watson said...

Perfect. Love every word.

Maurice Mitchell said...

Great list Lydia. "optional pound of melted chocolate" LOL That's great anytime.

Kelly Polark said...

Ha! Love it! I'll take a few of those beverages. And then get my butt in the chair and write! (Revising today)

Angela Brown said...

So of course this was - IS - so fantastic and looking around for it's own website to explore the many other java-licious ways to spice up, tear down darlings and bend time backwards to reduce the number of flashbacks in the story from 25 to 5. :-)

Rachna Chhabria said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rachna Chhabria said...

Loved the post. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face :)

DL Hammons said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DL Hammons said...

Whatever happened to COFFEE...HARD...BLACK...STOUT...BLISTERING...IN A DOUBLE SIDED CUP! You can write 10,000 words in fifteen minutes after one of those! :)

Priscilla said...

You are very inspiring dear.I just discovered your blog and really like it.! I just shared my Clozette Fashion Finds on my blog. If you have a minute, I would love to hear your comment.
Also, let me know if you want us to follow each other. I will definitely follow you back...

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Stephen Tremp said...

4,00 calorie meal in a cup? I'll just take the shot of vodka, thank you very much. Make that two.

Jennifer Hillier said...

"Sexy-times scene" - bwahahahaha!

I love food and beverage analogies! Super fun post!

Krispy said...

These are amazing! I'm afraid to tweet you for a couple of these though because they also sound...kinda gross. LOL. Thanks though!

Leslie S. Rose said...

If you add a pair of big dark sunglasses so nobody will recognize me as I write the "sexy" scenes, I'll take a Venti Full-fat moccacchino with an extra shot of butter toffee.

Deb Salisbury said...

LOL! I especially need the hot tea and pretzel. I'm so linear my plots shame a straightedge ruler.

Carrie Butler said...

Hah! This is absolutely brilliant. :D

Sarah said...

I'll take a fat-free, caffeine-free, gluten-free, soy-free, dairy-free cup of nothing, please.

And a cookie.

Jemi Fraser said...

LOVE!!!

I'm trying my hand at a short story (first time) and I desperately need a Spoiler Jave-Frappe-Mega!!! :)

A Lady's Life said...

Hahahaha Will Have 5 of each.

I have to have my coffee every day sometimes black and sometimes with creme and sometimes with cinnamon

Heather said...

LOL! These are totally awesome. I love it. I need this 'menu' hanging above my computer.

Ruth Schiffmann said...

Love this! I definitely need the Caramelotta Tension, Tall, with Whip (and chains) PERFECT!

Yungpo Bernard Su said...

Genius.

Lynda R Young said...

hahaha I'll take the meal-in-a-cup ;)

 
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