Friday, May 4, 2012

It's Gonna Eat Me

I'm not sure why I felt totally compelled to blog about this. Oh wait. Yes, yes I do.

I'm a wimp and I don't like horror so I need my bloggy friends to hold my hands for this one.

Wait for it...

Wait...

Here it is, the manifestation of my nightmares.

"Girl, you'd look good with some Chianti. Aw yeah."
Oh lordy. I mean, see how that thing eyeballs you? It's going to be the first, carnivorous, person-eating penguin, I'm sure of it. Look at him. He's even shifted his weight, ready to pounce!


Normally, I love me some penguins. They're cute and they swim underwater and there's that fetching waddle, so much more waddlier than a duck's. Heck my publisher is going to be Penguin! But this thing? This is too much.

My kids got it as a gift. It came in this egg, and you're supposed to soak the egg in water until the egg cracks, and whammo, this little penguin hatches out of the shell. Cute, right?

Well, no. First, the egg cracked. Then all this white, glutinous snot came pouring out the crack. Once the penguin was birthed, it was covered in more snot. Guess who got the job of washing it off?

Indeed, 'twas me.

And now, my littlest one won't let me dispose of it. I keep it in this soy sauce dish because honestly, I don't want it to touch my home directly. I think it's going to give jelly-penguin-cooties to my lovely house. In fact, I may even have to permanently retire the soy sauce dish because it's been tainted by this snot-infested toy. 

When I attempted this picture, it tumbled out of the dish and hit my foot, all porous and squishy (and STILL covered in the mysterious gloop.) You should have hear me.

"DON'T LET IT TOUCH ME! AHHHH! BY GOD, DON'T LET IT TOUCH ME!"

Anyway. There is no real point to this post, except to say thank you for sharing in my toy horror. Normally I stick to writing related blog posts, but how can I write when this monstrosity is scheming to feast on my vitreous humor whilst I sleep?

Have you ever had a toy that kinda sorta freaked you out? 

48 comments:

Shelly said...

Ack! Just the gelatinous snot stuff would make me want to throw it far, far away! My kids have had a toy similar and it had the same effect on me. Blech!!!

Old Kitty said...

?!?!?!?! This is a toy???!?! Where can I get this toy?! I want! LOL!! Does it just birth penguins? Or any other animals!? I'm so intrigued!! Yay! Take care
x

mooderino said...

So it emerges like the facehuggers in Alien? Nice.

You could always "accidentally" store it in the dustbin.

mood
Moody Writing
@mooderino
The Funnily Enough

Laura Pauling said...

We've had toys like that but with dinosaurs that came out of an egg. They were fascinated by it!

Dianne K. Salerni said...

Blech. I think something bad would accidentally happen to the toy while the kids were at school. Do you have a dog or a cat that could be blamed?

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Tell the kids to play outside with it. That thing will break and crumble in no time.

Natalie Aguirre said...

Of course you had to clean up the mess. Alex's idea may be a good one to get rid of it.

SA Larsenッ said...

Haha...makes you wonder what some toy makers are thinking: FREAK OUT THE PARENTS. My kids were given this furry, hairy, ugly wormy thing one time. It totally wigged me out. Then one day, the thing mysteriously disappeared. Shh...

Connie Keller said...

Euw! Very creepy.

I'm creeped out by those wind up monkeys that bang cymbals. The eyes look demon-possessed to me.

Jennifer Shirk said...

Ha! I feel your pain.
My kiddo won this little stuffed toy in an arcade game that is so bizarre I wanted to wash it (thinking it would it approve its appearance) before it came in the house. LOL

Liza said...

Oh my. I love penguins, but I think I'd have to lose that one.

Stina Lindenblatt said...

I think I'm going to have nightmares tonight. Scary looking penguin nightmares.

I'm with Connie on those demonic looking monkeys. And I don't know how kids 100 years ago didn't have nightmares all the time with their scary looking dolls watching them. They also look demonic. *shudders*

Louise Bates said...

No toys that gave me nightmares, but my parents mysteriously lost the copy of "E.T." my grandparents gave me when I was a kid, because of how many nightmares I got from it (seriously, my older sister got "Little Women." I, three years younger and notorious for my nightmares, got the movie about the freaky-looking alien. WHAT were my grandparents thinking?).

And yes, those cymbal-monkeys are CREEPY.

Colene Murphy said...

Bahahahaha! Oh...that's creepy indeed. I imagine the goo eruption made it even worse. Glad I didn't see that...Ugh. I'm laughing at Louis up there too because E.T. is my worst nightmare. Creepy little alien mo.fo...

B.E. Sanderson said...

Wow, that is one creepy penguin. I never had a toy myself that freaked me out, but my brother's ventriloquist dummy was pretty freaky. Oh, he wasn't that bad during the day, but at night... in the dark... when the moonlight would hit his face just right... :shudder:

E. Arroyo said...

Ha. I didn't take you as the squirmy type. LOL. Aren't you, like, a doctor? I thought snot was in the job description. LMAO. Sorry, I just had to go there. Life-like dolls freak me out. My grandma used to have them all over her house. Freaky.

Lydia Kang said...

Elizabeth, snot in people is one thing. I can deal with that. Snot-covered, malicious-minded toys are entirely another.

Slamdunk said...

Ha, I am a whip when it comes to horror stuff as well. Probably anything that involves clowns is creepy to me.

A Doc 2 Be said...

With SD on that one - hate clowns - completely scare me...

Maurice Mitchell said...

Lydia, frankly I don't like the way it's looking at me. Snot or not. It has kind of freaky Charles Manson eyes.
I'm with @Shelly. I'd distract my son with a new robot and trash it once the glop came out.

Karen Harrington said...

He is a little strange looking. My kids had these for Easter and so I know the gelatinous goo that comes out upon their...birth. Somehow, we've misplaced those slimy little bunnies. :)

Rachna Chhabria said...

I think it likes you, Lydia ;)

The penguin looks a bit creepy to me.

Munk said...

Thank god that is a soy sauce dish and not a wading pool.

Barbara Watson said...

Some toys certainly are freaky. My daughter has a stuffed frog with enormous googly eyes that falls in the freaky realm. And normally I adore frogs, lives ones and stuffed animal ones.

Meredith said...

Ugh, that is totally creepy (and gross!). My baby niece has this broken doll who, when you press her stomach, sounds like a drunken clown. I have no idea what it's saying, but it freaks everyone out, including my niece.

Connie Arnold said...

What an interesting toy! Quite unusual, but still cute. So was your post!

Shelley Munro said...

Any toy that comes with snot is suspect in my book. And you're right about the eyes. Entirely creepy!

Deb Salisbury said...

ROFL! Just the snot part is creepy all by itself. Poor penguin!

Carrie Butler said...

That penguin has the creepy stare down...

Quick! Distract your kids with a new toy!

Krispy said...

I think it's the eyes. Those are pretty creepy - also the disturbing manner of birth... I'm sorry you must keep that in your house.

Dolls. Porcelain dolls, while sometimes pretty, are mostly creepy to me.

Jadi said...

I second Krispy! I hated porcelain dolls when I was little, really dolls in general. And my relatives ALWAYS got them for me.

They're eyes are watching you...

I have one porcelain doll now, an Indian baby, from my best friend. Its eyes are closed, therefore, not scary.

LD Masterson said...

Okay, that thing is just gross. The cymbal banging monkeys are creepy. For me it was a Howdy Doody puppet (yeah, I'm really old). It had a wooden head with a movable, sting operated jaw. If I dropped it, the jaw would slip out of place and stick way out. The sight of it with the jaw out scared me to death.

Emily Rose said...

Oh my gosh, that's crazy that it actually hatches!

The Golden Eagle said...

That is an odd-looking toy. And the snot stuff sounds disgusting.

Gloria Richard said...

The scariest one I've seen is on that USPS commercial. The evil little clown that the family wants out of the house now!

I'm launching a new look for my blog, Lydia and must capture the birth of this penguin from IckVille on pictures. You'll understand when you see the new look. PLEASE DM me @gloriawrites with the info on where I can find one of these...

Assuming you're still talking to your kids.

Stephanie Thornton said...

Yuck! Slimy penguins are less than cute!

I had a clown music box that would play on its own when I was little. It's part of the reason I don't like clowns anymore.

Kimberlee Turley said...

You are so funny!

Can't say I have a fear of toys, but I refuse to let any Play-Doh into the house.

Oh, and I can't stand touching side walk chalk. It makes my skin crawl just thinking about the chalkiness of it.

Charley said...

Louise, my daughters so freaked by ET as kids they still won't re-watch. But they loved sidewalk chalk, Kimberlee.

Lydia, you have vitreous humor? Going literary rather than medical, this could mean you have a brittle laugh? (heh, heh)

Jenny Woolf said...

Urgh you are right - it is the most repulsive gift I ever saw except for the gift one of my kids received of a teddy bear that had been put in a calcifying spring so looked as if it was fossilised. I got her to throw it straight in the bin

Nas said...

OMG! It really is freaky but I can imagine the attraction it can have for kids.

J.L. Campbell said...

I understand how your kids would think this is cool. My son probably would too. I'd put him on a shelf out of reach, but will the kids hear of it?

Elizabeth Varadan aka Mrs. Seraphina said...

Ha-ha, this was funny. I haven't had any toys freak me out, but I have to say, it's the gelatinous part that would make me not want to touch that little critter.

Casey L. Clark said...

ALF.

Alf really freaked me out...both the show, and the stuffed Alf my grandma got me for Christmas, i stuffed him in the bottom of my closet and pushed my clothes hamper in front of the door so he wouldn't exact his revenge. *shivers*

p.s. I'm with you...that penguin is evil. :)

catherinemjohnson.wordpress.com said...

These life like toys are getting a bit ridiculous, but I bet kids love the gooey stuff.

Cynthia Chapman Willis said...

Hilarious!!! But then, I'm not the one with the glutinous devil penguin leering at me from a dish. I'm with Alex--I'd put this thing outside. The only way it could be worse, is if it was a clown. *cringes as she considers the horror of clowns*

The Red Angel said...

Furbies used to freak me out a lot! I had a purple one when I was little, and when I held it upside down it would make this little sound "Furrrrby." I was totally convinced this little dude was haunting me at night so I stuffed it to the bottom of my toy box and forgot all about it. Eh, until now...

And that penguin looks terrifying, no lie.


~Wendy Lu

The Red Angel Blog

lbdiamond said...

Hahaha!

This is why I could never have dolls--reminded me too much of Chucky. Yeah. Scary.

Kelly Polark said...

Ha ha ha!!!
My kids had similar things and man, they are so slimy and gross!!! I'd keep them on the bathtub rim for a few days and they'd quietly disappear into the trash soon after!! :)

 
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