Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Visiting Scallionland


 Some family members brought me this package of Taiwanese spice used for some of my favorite restaurant dishes. I couldn't stop reading the directions over and over. I swear the person who translated the directions is a cooped-up poet in a spice factory.


Here are some choice excerpts, directly from the package. The punctuation usage is also unadulterated genius.

Spice for Spiced Food

Made of
noble and natural cinnamon.
fennel.
clove.

For spicing chicken
and duch wings
roe.
peanut.
pettitoes.

Apply this spice powder to a mixture
of condiment such as
salt.
sauce.
flavor.
essence.
brandy.
scallionland.

A suitable part of boiled water
la
to be aded.
The spiced food
if in dark brown
indicates that 
it is
well spiced.

I absolutely adore this translation. Duch wings? I'd love some of that. I'd feel rather royal, even with my greasy fingers.

Petittoes must be the footed version of fingerling potatoes. Or maybe they're just little toes. Tasty.

Where can I buy a bottle of essence condiment? I wants it.

And finally I'd love to visit Scallionland too, so long as it doesn't leave too much lingering onion breath.

37 comments:

mooderino said...

petittoes sound so lovely.

mood

Em-Musing said...

Ummm? Hmmm? Spice for the Spiced food. Got it! :)

Old Kitty said...

I love the word "petittoes" - how adorable!!! Take care
x

Connie Keller said...

When you find that bottle of essence condiment, pick up an extra bottle for me. It sounds great.

B.E. Sanderson said...

A suitable part of boiled water? ROFL.

Barbara Watson said...

Real life example of found poetry. Beautiful. I think I need some of this too, perhaps then cooking wouldn't make me feel like screaming.

Kristen Wixted said...

Someone has got to use Scallionland in a book. At least a picture book or something!

Clarissa Draper said...

When I want a laugh, I go to this site: engrish.com

It has plenty of poets.

Slamdunk said...

I am googling Scallionland now. I have been missing that destination...

Shelly said...

This was delightful to read~

Theresa Milstein said...

This is the most butchered or the most poetic package I've ever read.

Cynthia Chapman Willis said...

I'm still giggling over the noble cinnamon. It really is noble, when you think about it. This is wonderful!

PS I wonder what the weather is like in Scallionland. What does one wear?

Critique Sisters said...

LOL! This is fantastic, love it.

Maurice Mitchell said...

Lydia, it's amazing that this got past the design group. I'd be reading that over and over again. LOL
@Mood pettitoes are my favorite
- Maurice Mitchell
The Geek Twins | Film Sketchr
@thegeektwins | @mauricem1972

Angela Brown said...

I read the "noble cinnamon" and couldn't help thinking how the cinnamon stick must have felt proud and strong, stood upright and straight given its "noble" title.

I liked the reference to the fire as well. Not set on high, medium high or low, but a "strong fire" then a "mild fire". Those are some subjective levels of heat.

Carrie Butler said...

Between the photo and illustration, I was almost in tears. Too funny! :)

Krispy said...

LOL, I love these sorts of translated directions because of things like this. My co-worker and I at the candy store used to laugh at the warnings on the cash register because they'd clearly been translated from another language...and not well. Haha.

A Lady's Life said...

Sometimes I am happy they have the Chinese stores to go to for spices. They make it easy for you.
The Indian stores also have some very good healthy spices. I stock up then don;t use them and then have to throw them away cause they lost their essence.
In my family they don't want salt. So I learned to cook without it but sea salt is very good for you.The body needs it.
My main spices I use every day are garlic onions turmeric paprika cayenne oregano cloves cinnamon, parsely, dill, nutmeg.
When I decide to cook with curry I buy it fresh because I don't use it that often although its good for you.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

They need to hire better translators.
And a couple years ago our backyard looked like Scallionland. I guess I should've charged admission.

Linda Gray said...

The footed version of fingerling potatoes? You are brilliant!

Leslie Rose said...

One of my favorite things to do is read the bad translations on foreign toys or candy. This one is a gem.

Jax said...

I have never heard of it, but it sounds so yummy :)

catherinemjohnson.wordpress.com said...

So cute!

linda said...

LOL I see that all the time in Taiwan. It's fun when I look at a phrase that makes NO SENSE in English but manage to guess the exact Chinese phrase it's translated from!

Karen Lange said...

Love it! Scallionland, hmm, next vacation spot? If I go, I'll send you a postcard. :)

Coleen Patrick said...

This is so funny! My son always gets a kick out of reading the translations on instructions/toys, etc. I remember him showing me some website--there was a restaurant in China I think and the english underneath one of the meal photos said, "Ass chicken." Yum. :)

Jenn June said...

I was laughing so hard at this and then I read the comment above this one and I started laughing even harder! Hilarious post! Thank you for the smiles. :)

Susan Fields said...

That is sooo funny! I think the petittoes are my favorite. :)

David P. King said...

Now I'm hungry. :)

lbdiamond said...

Nice!

alexia said...

I think 'noble cinnamon' is my fave. Cinnamon does kind of sound noble, right?

Rachna Chhabria said...

I love petittoes and noble cinnamon. Its food for royalty or shall I say rayalty ;)

Melissa Sugar said...

I needed a good laugh today and I found it. What a delightful post.

vbtremper said...

Oh Lydia, this absolutely made my day. Any spice mix with that kind of label is exactly the sort of spice mix my husband and I must have on our shelves. We don't always figure out what to do with it, but there's something special in the having it. Thank you.

-Vicki

Olga said...

Spice for the Spiced food is my favorite :)

Phoenix said...

I'm seriously using the word "petittoes" for the small red potatoes we buy from here on out. YES.

Romance Reader said...

Now I know to add in words such as noble to plain cinnamon when mum asks me to bring her some!

Riya

 
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