So, I have some explaining to do.
No, they were not psychedelic mushrooms, and no, it wasn't a penicillin experiment, either.
Like many ventures gone terribly awry, my story begins with "So there's this website I saw...."
It was called Fungi Perfecti (no kidding, that's the name) which sells these "easy" mushroom growing kits. I looooove mushrooms. (No, I am not a hobbit. I am short though. *checks for hairy feet* Yep, definitely not a hobbit. But I love my Elevensies!)
So we bought this Pioppino mushroom kit. Apparently, you get this bowling ball size of sawdust and mushroom spores. I figured this would be a cinch. Humans don't have to try hard to grow fungus, I reasoned in my reasonable way. Just walk through a boy's locker room barefoot and let the itching begin. Or ignore a loaf of bread. Or let your shower get steamy and watch that black stuff accumulate.
Easy peasy, right?
So I dutifully misted this lump of brown matter (that sounds gross. It really looked like a dry stump). And I kept this little plastic humidity tent on it. And voila! Wittle baby Pioppino mushrooms started to grow, like this:
Dang. I'm good.
But then, oops. Busy me, I forgot to mist it. So then they dried out and looked like this:
And then, in order to make up for my poor watering habits, I over-misted, over-humidified, and basically doused the lump. And then they looked like this:
Now, the mushroom experiment, a horrific fungus-on-fungus violence of spore-ific proportions, is residing in our back yard.
I'm so embarrassed. I can't even grow a good fungus.







44 comments:
Sorry to say this, but I love this post as it made me laugh. Not in a malicious way, but enjoying your turn of phrase and humour.
Don't give up. That would be too easy, now, wouldn't it? I say try again and be more attentive. I'm sure you can succeed if you do give it a second go. Love the diagrams. Maybe you should insider doing a kiddies illustrated book?
Kindest regards,
Mark K
*excuse predictive text on this iPad - it's determind to undermine me... Grrr! That last part should read "consider", and not "insider"!*
Mark K
Ha, ha! Having grown up with a mushroom house in my backyard (literally) and still living in the heart of mushroom-growing southern Chester County, PA (where pungent manure grows the best white caps), I can safely say I've never had an urge to grow my own mushrooms!
Funny that you want to grow mushrooms. Now what you know what not to do maybe you should try again.
You gave me a lovely Friday laugh.
I'm going with Mark's comment, except I won't apologize. This definitely gave me the chuckles. I love your drawings!!
That is too funny! Not a chance I could get any to grow properly then.
I've always wanted to do one of the mushrooms kits. Now, not so much.
Loved the drawings!
"zombie shrooms of the armageddon!" LOL! I love it. Don't feel bad... I once under-watered a cactus. :)
I just crossed your name off my "People I love to have dinner with someday" list.
:)
I kill every living plant. Well, except strawberries. I planted them a few years ago and they still grow. It is great for my self-esteem. :) My husband told me that it was time to dig them up and replant, but I'm too scared. I doubt I can replicate the success.
Bwhahahahahah.
That's the funniest thing I've read in AGES ... and those pictures! oh. my. gosh.
bwhwhahahahaha.
thanks.
Thanks for the smile.
You're not alone! I don't think fungi would survive in my home either.
Haha--thanks Dr.
As one of your readers wanting more on the mushrooms; thanks for delivering.
I love the mushroom pictures (your drawing I am guessing).
One day we will do a picture book together, I will write and you can sketch. It will become a bestseller :)
Ooops, forgot to mention, we can co-write, but you will be the sole illustrator. I can't draw if my life depended on it.
ROFL! You've made my day! :-D
This blog post was funny, cute, and also gross! It's pretty impressive that you managed to not only kill the fungi but to resurrect them into some unholy zombie species.
LMAO!!! I love this post and I think you were doing just fine growing those until you forgot to water them, that's all! I'm a big fan of mushrooms, too. Your next book should be about a dystopian society overtaken by zombie mushrooms.
LOL I'm sorry to laugh, but that's funny, but sad too. What a bummer. I've always wanted to grow mushrooms, but wondered if it was worth the bother.
I just had a batch of wood ears (a kind of fungus--so good!) go funky. I made super yummy soup with half of them, then let the rest sit in the fridge too long and they started to smell like fish. I like fish, but wood ears should not smell like fish. ICK!
Awww, it sounds like me with plants. I take comfort that I can keep my children and pet alive. At least.
Ewwwww! I can't stop picturing it now. Probably because the illustrations were awesome! ;)
I love these grow your own mushroom kits but to be honest I only ever get three good mushrooms at the most!
:-)
But zombie fungi are fab! Yay!! Take care
x
Ah, funny! Thanks for my chuckle of the day. It's the kinda think I would do. I forget to water plants, and then I try to make up for it. Like Rachna, I really enjoyed the drawings, too!
Shame! I love mushrooms too, and as I read, my mouth was already drooling at the thought of steak and mushrooms, fried mushrooms with bacon & eggs, mushrooms in a simmering stew...
Then you revealed that even mushrooms need a certain knack to grow properly. I'm doomed!
You are too funny.
This reminds me of my experiences trying to grow cat grass. The roots always ball up then grow mildew. I know it says not to over water it, but then it dries up and goes limp.
Or maybe it has to do with the fact that the cat is is always nibbling on it.
lol you are soo funny lol
Well, now, I would say something except your experiment went quite well compared to it I had have tried it. lol!!!
There have been times in the past when the bottom of my fridge looked scarily like your last picture. Thankfully, I've learned the importance of not poisoning family members :-)
First do no harm, isn't that the doctors' code?
Your pix totally cracked me up. I had a "bad Halloween pumpkin" flashback reading this. I left one on the porch too long one year. Yuckfest.
hahaha! I'd SO do this. LOL!
Love your sense of humor. At least you learned what not to do. :)
Thanks for the smiles Lydia! That would be me too. Thankfully my husband takes care of all gardening type things around here. :)
This is an awesome post, and it reminded me of my childhood. We lived in Caracas and my parents for some reason decided to grow mushrooms. They spent a good year or more trying to grow mushrooms, in our bathtub, in our friends' yards, smuggling in spore from their friends in Taiwan, and all to no avail. So I totally know that it is NOT easy to grow mushrooms!
Greatest. Grossest. Post. Ever.
Thanks for the laugh! Haaaaaa!
You amaze me with your ability to tell a story with such humor and wit. This was so funny. I think really, it's fine to just go buy the nice mushrooms at the store, or the Farmer's Market if that makes you feel better. :D
Sorry it didn't work. :( That definitely sounds like something I would do - my thumbs are both black.
Oh, lordie, this is sooo gross! A gross that is also delightful and tickles my ribs. Yeeeccchhhh.
The little market by my house sells these fresh. And this weekend they're having a fresh fish market (sushi grade!!). I will buy you some, just to prevent your death by botulism in the future.
Loved your drawings and narratives to go with it! So try again and this time it will turn out good as you know what not to do!
Thanks for sharing! I didn't have any fungus when i used my mushroom kits they ended looking great!
You crack me up! I can never grow anything. I have a dead plant on my kitchen counter right now...
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